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Bebe's Journal  Just got back from Boston and NYC it was killer. I had soooo much fun! Me and Noah and Alex got soooo freaking lost driving out to Sams house it is normally a 10 minute drive it took us an hour and a half, the pathetic part tho was that we had directions,we just couldnt figure out how to get on the pike so... Alex got her belly button pierced it was soooo nasty to watch, ugh i shiver to think of it.I was gona get my cartilage pierced but it was like 40 bucks, so that was out. I miss all my friends that i havent seen in forever (Hailey my lover call me ive beent hinkin bout u we need to hang out, i added u as my freind) Stacey and I are gonna work at Robs birthday bash that hes throwing for his boyfriend mark on saturday, his caterer cancelled on him i feel bad. OMG i had the worst plane ride ever yesterday, i had a direct flight from boston to oakland, which is a 6 hour flight and i was sitting next to this older couple early 50s i say anyway i had the aisle and the fat guy who smelled like booze wehn he got on the plane sat in the middle. So they seriously got up every 20 mintues and made me move i was just chilling trying to sleep with my headphones on adn thed ask to get out, i was such a good sport about it too! so anyway the guy continues to have 4 beers and a whisket at 3 bucks a pop on the plane! im not usually one to judge but in the ari theres less oxygen so the effects are doubled anyways the guy changed seats for about 30 minutes and the stewardess came over and told the wife that she wouldnt serve her husband any more alcohol so he camae back and was pissed totally yelling and stuff, so imtrying to lean as far into the aisle as possible as not to get sucked into this drunk mans fat whilst being hit by every person that walks by. Then oh yes it gets worse the guy behind me spilled coffe all over my white sac 2003 sweatshirt which i cannot get anywhere else, and in my hair! so i had to take off my sweatshirt while the ridiculously nice stewderdess washed it but then i ahd to sit on the freakin plane for 2 hours in shorts adn a t shirt i was pissed im never flying agin. Colin-If you are reading this my love, i miss u terribly(so much for us getting re-close this summer)i hope things are going ok if theres anything i can do dont hesitate to ask ok? i love u and am here for u 100 percent. ALSO you have my hat...I want it back Current mood:  tired.
Blah i dont really have much to say here except that i have mono so im on summer vacation 2 weeks early. Everyone and their mom has called me slutty for getting mono but i promise u thats not how i got it and if one more person even hints to that ill kill them, im so frustrated. Ive been feelin sorta loved recently steven stopped by and brought me a jesus card it was sooooo funny i lvoe him for that. Alex and i went and saw raising helen on sunday it kinda wore me out tho which made me feel pathetic. Melissa Matt and Nomes have been text messaging me which makes me happy and Fallin called me. I finally feel like ive got a lot of friend, maybe not a lot but a sufficient circle. Would you like to join? id be more than happy to have you. Mark texted me this morning and was all mad cause he said i got him sick, i told him since we didnt make out or share silverware or a glass then he didnt get it from me. So then like an hour later stacey calls and says she has tonselitis so ha mark theres where ya got it from. I sat in the sun today for like 3 hours and didn't think much of it cause i was wearing SPF 45 but i guess i was out for awhile cause i got a lota color and io itch, it doesnt hurt just itches. Im going to see Harry Potter tomorrow with Alex should be super fun.Were tryin to decide wether to go to Mexico or Boston for Christmas next year, i dunno hard decision id really love a white hanukkah tho. I feel like a lot of my friends well not a lot but a couple are complaining that their old friends left them, when maybe its the other way around maybe they left us, but no one ever seems to think about it like that, about the fact that they could do the leaving because they are so preoccupied on being left their alwasy the left never the leaver.I dont know it makes me sad casue i read their LJ's or blurty journals or what not and i read how they miss their old friend and i wanna reach out but i just cant seem to make the contact i have a lot i want to say to them so much but i just cant seem to do it. So last night was prom, i completely forgot to stay and clean up senora romano is going to kill me, eh well i forgot what are ya gonna do? So prom was ok not too exciting, but i alwasy forget that the dances are never as fun as i think there gonna be. I liked my dress before i got to prom like when i was trying it on and such but then i didnt really like it when we got there, maybe thats cause i felt ugly but what are ya gonna do right? ill just burn the pictures lol. So yeah i dont have much else to say besides im going to be bloody tired i didnt get to sleep until 3 30 and i was rudely awoken at 9 by fallin LAYING on me! i mean jeez. So I haven't written in a very very long time which is ok i think because i dont think anybody reads this anymore anyway, so why bother honestly. Things are allright. Last night i worked at puttin on the ritz and oh my god can i just say my feet hurt sooooooo fucking bad! i can barely walk, but thats what i get for wearing high heels and walking, no busing tables for 4 freaking hours. Now my shoulder hurts as well from carrying those HUGE trays filled with food around, sigh the work of a waitress. Today i did nothing i read a lot heavy stuff war books are heavy stuff i had to take a break to watch one tree hill, i know dont say it im pathetic but its ok cause honestly i dont fucking care anymore think of me what u will. So lets see what have i been doing, last weekend Fallin and Melissa came over for the first time in a very long time and we hung out somehow melissa and I ended up in the pool, how? I don't know. Then Martin came over and we went hangin around downtown Davis and we play hackey sack, lol theres a first time for everything yes? yes. This weekend Melissa came over on Friday and then steve came over we hung out then went and harrassed Colin at Safeway, he seemed semi happy to see us, but i never really feel like he cares either way anymore. I just feel like we were once the same person and then when we got to that pivotal teenage road choice thing we went in opposite directions, and things are just awkward i miss him more than anything in the world tho, i wish we could talk like we used to and hang out like we used to but everytime i try i feel like im just taking up his precious time that he doesnt have to give away to me. He said he was gonna call us when he got off work but he didnt which is ok i didnt expect him to. I just wish things could go back to the way they used to be, why not? before things were uber complicated and lame. Why is it that in romantic situations opposites attract but in friendships especially at this age u either have to be the same kinda people or theres nothing to talk about i mean oh never mind i dont feel like getting into this on a livejournal i mean please. So next weekend is prom, yay, except not. Melissa finally decided to come which makes me really happy, but its just gonna be another dance everyone will be with someone that cared enough to ask them to prom and for the 2nd year in a row ill be one of those girls on the wall feeling pathetic at the slow songs cause once again she has no date. I sound really lame right now i dont feel that sorry for myself and trust me im not asking you to either. Why do things have to change have to end? Current mood:  sore.Current music: "Melt"-Rascal Flatts. Today was good, i think. I cut all my hair off firstly, well sort of its just below my ears, i cant decide whether i like it or not so u can let me know. Katia came over today and we vegged and watched gigli which was totally not what i expected at all, weird. Then Alex came over and we vegged and ate chinese food which was awesome cause i havent have chinse in a very long time and it made me happy and we have leftovers yay us for buying WAY too much. I have a 3 day weekend thats awesome and totally rocks my socks because the last thing in the world right now that i want to do is go back to school, i hate it. I dont know what im gonna do next year when Stacey is gone :(. Nick got his GED im oddly really really jealous, i wanna go to ok i know this sounds really weird becasue im bitching about how much i want to get away from high school but ok well i really want to go to college, i want to pick my own classes, im so tired of having my whole schedule dictated to me, everyone i know is like get over it u choose to go here were not like regular high schools blah blah blah blah blah i just wanna scream FUCK OFF this is my fucking opinion. I feel like a 6 year old child i mean what 16 year old still fucking takes GARDENING for fucks sake, jesus christ. Anywho im angry and want to take important classes like psychology and poly sci and debate and current evenets shit that actually relates to me. I wanna take photography and be able to express myself in other ways other than through fucking watercolor, i mean come on! there are so many other forms of art that do not include me with an object that can be used to stab out an eye. I want to run away to New York city or Boston some big city on the East coast where i can do whatever i want. I want to be there freezing my ass of in their crazy winter weather so bad, which is a little redundant because its like 50 degrees in my room right now and im shaking im so cold, i just need me a nice big coat some mittens and a warm hat and im good to go my friend. Why i ask are parties so important to teenagers? Why am i automatically socially retarded if i have no urge to go to some strangers house with fuck loads of people i dont know and make a fool out of myself cause oops i had a tad too much to drink. I mean come on! there fucking more to life than that, and trust me what i do on my friday nights i can remember the next day. Why in order to be cool or meet new people do u have to go to unsupervised parties where theres OMG a KEG! we are cool now because we go some asshole who doesnt care to begin with to sell not one gasp but 2 kegs to a bunch of retaded 16 year olds. Could someone please explain to me how this will make me cool? Im sorry but i would much rather come home after a stressful week and watch law and order, i dont care how big a dork that makes me.No on understand really how fucking hard my weeks are how much i really deal with, i mean everyone knows a portion of the story but no one knows the whole thing, sadly no one really cares enough. I feel like people just keep taking from me no matter what like even though i feel like i have nothing left to give they are taking from me, if that makes any sense. I feel like some people i know SOOOO well i mean really well and i feel like they dont know me at all. That makes me sad. Ahhh adolescense isn't it the epidimy of wonderful? Current mood: tired.Current music: Just the music in my head. How come people make things so complicated? They always take things that are going on in their lives and multiply them or it by 10 and then don't let anyone in. Ive talked to the saem person 5 times in the last 2 weeks and every time i talk 2 him he seems like a completley different person. Why can't things just be the way they used to be? I miss that so much. Everything was good and now all of a sudden everything that was good has been like sucked down the drain. Well not everything i still have a lot of good stuff thank g-d but a part of my life has kinda died and that makes me so sad i miss it so much, i didnt want it to end. But i guess all good things must come to an end right? thats what everyone always says. Or you can never have to much of a good thing. Jesus, Why is it that g-d only seems to give you a glimpse of exactly what you want and then yanks it away it's like a sick game. I hate feeling this way im mad and frustrated and sad and ahhhhhhh damnit i hate it when i let people get to me, why? i never let people jump on my pride, ever. and i did and i feel like a complete idiot. I totally opened up and i never do that i got soft and how does it benefit me? it doesnt it screws me over. damn eh well thatll teach me to trust people Current mood:  sad.Current music: Martin Purtill. Save me my darlin save me, ahhh the music. I am listening to my boy Martin sing the saddest song ever it has just voice piano and cello g-d that kills me. Mary May had a vision he was tall and bright but it was broken by the father the man shes told to love forever. The lyrics are just so ahh i dunno. Anywho lifes been ok. I talked to Travis finally last week, i miss him like crazy and wish more than anything that i could see him and make things better for him but of course he has to live in fuckin sag harbor so thats impossible. Rumors of me are going round school again well not really rumors but the whole me and matt thing i feel like im in fing 5th grade again, i mean jesus! ON Friday i went to missys volleyball game with fallin jeremy and matt which was really fun and then jake katia missy alex and fallin came over and we made prank calls. Why is it so hard to get through to some people? there are some people i would do anything to save but i just cant and that makes me sad. It also makes me sad that i dont really understand depression so i cant tell them i know how they feel cause im not depressed nor have i ever been so... How come people get so into there little groups that they completley forget about the people that used to mean everything to them. sigh i miss my astro twin so much but no matter how hard i try to reconnect it feels like his end has broken away from mine and that makes me sad cause i love him and miss him but eh well what more can i do? All in all this has turned out to be a far better year than last year. I have a buncha freshman friends that i love to death, they are the coolest i dont care if there freshman they dont seem like freshman to me ya know? I hate Old Testament soooooo bad i know most of the stuff we are learning and so i have to sit through 2 hours of retelling of bible stories its like purgatory. I took the PSATs today and failed miserably eh well what ya gonna do right? ok i must depart for i have homework to do comment if u liek or not i like to hear ur thoughts love u guys Current mood: melancholy.Current music: "Angel"- Martin Purtill. I love Ben he was here this summer and the highlight of it!!! He is the coolest person ever and San Francisco rocked my socks and i miss Ben Its been so long since i last wrote i cant even remember where i left off. So my summer was good i went to Italy and England. Italy with Alex and that was awesome. So now im home and its the last day of summer and its already 1pm and i dont want it to end. Ive been hangin out with Stacey a lot and she rocks my socks we have so much fun together, i dont know what i woulda done this summer without her, i cant tell ya one thing it would have been damn boring. IM not ready to go back to school, sigh one more day but hey it could be fun right? maybe. I miss Travis so much. Damn boys they always seem to come into ur life when u least expect it and then get under ur skin and make u fall in love with them and then go home to stupid New York. Sigh ok i am going to go play outside on my last day of summer Current mood:  optimistic.Current music: Josh Kelley. So summers treated me quite well. Fallin and Melissa came over last night and that was really fun we went downtown and hung out with Daniel and Daniel and it was cool. Then we went in the spa and talked a lot about random stuff well not so random but i dont feel like getting into it again. I love them so much i really didnt realize how much i had missed them until i saw them and got to hang out with them and have fun. Today i went to alex's ballet performance and Noah and Mark and Martin went and it was good, very BALLET and that sucked but i was really good. Then Marc Kim Alex and i went out to dinner and talked and it was fun, i wish that i was going with Alex to Boston though :( i dont want her to leave but only 2 and a half weeks until i leave for England so yay! and then ITALY baby with Alex that is gonna be sooooo bomb. I finally heard (sorta) from cayte on her lj at least. She seems good im so happy that shes ok ive missed her crazy amounts, she didnt sign my yearbook and that makes me angry and sad. If you every read this cayte i want u to sign my yearbook and i missed you terribly i have so much to tell~ |
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